SO lately I’ve been thinking a lot about unconditional love.
Weird thing for an online marketing coach to be thinking about?
No, and yes, and then no again.
The first no is because I don’t spend all my time thinking about geeky stuff like marketing funnels, and how to streamline my systems. I like to think about a variety of other things as well.
The yes is because, well, it seems weird that I would take what I have been thinking about unconditional love and choose to share it with not just my friends and family, but with my online tribe as well.
And the final no is because thinking about unconditional love has made me start to see how important it is within our online businesses, and how if we can learn to adopt it as an everyday practice, not only will we be happier, but we will ultimately be more successful as well.
So what is unconditional love?
Wikipedia says it is affection without limitations, or love without conditions.
I interpret it as love given freely, without any expectation from the giver. There are no exceptions to that love. There are no unspoken arrangements of when that love will be given. And there is no dialling up and down of that love depending on the current situation and how we feel about the other person’s action.
It is love given purely and simply no matter what, like a light that once turned on, will never dim or go out.
I used to think that my relationship would be stronger if I always had the best interest of my other half ahead of mine, and vice versa. I called it a bridge of love.
But now I realise that that sort of love is not really love at all. It’s expecting someone else to be responsible for your happiness. Because your happiness is dependent on them remembering to put you first.
The problem with that, is that the only person who is responsible for, and who can make us truly happy, is ourselves.
Which calls bullshit on my bridge of love theory.
And in fact, with my growing understanding of unconditional love, I realise that building a ‘bridge of love’ with someone is really just a dangerous form of co-dependency.
Now some of you might be getting angry at me about now. Wanting to throw stones and all that at the thought that you can’t expect your other half to do things that make you happy.
And I get that, but wouldn’t it be much more fun, if you were happy even without them doing those things? If those things were just something that brought you joy on top of your already happy life?
And in return, you just got to love them no matter what? Your mood wasn’t dependant on how ‘lovable’ they were that day?
Others might be wanting to throw stones at me for suggesting that you should have to love your partner no matter what, even if they aren’t loving you back.
But here’s the truth about unconditional love – or how I see it anyway – it is not possible to unconditionally love somebody else, unless you first love yourself unconditionally.
For you to do this, to love no matter what; to always feel the same level of love for your spouse, your kids, your friends, your family; you have to be loving yourself the same way.
You have to accept who you are, your strengths, your weaknesses, and all your imperfections, and you need to love yourself hard.
This is the true core of where unconditional love for others comes from. When you are able to submit to loving yourself no matter what, then you have the ability to turn that energy on others.
Which also means that you have the ability to remove yourself from situations that are not good for you, even while loving that other person.
Being able to love others unconditionally, means that you will no longer have to sacrifice yourself for other people’s happiness, just as they no longer have to sacrifice themselves for yours.
It’s ironic isn’t it, that true freedom in our souls and in our lives, comes from relinquishing our control over others?
SO how does this help us in our businesses?
When you are able to love yourself unconditionally, you are able to make the right choices for yourself.
You are also able to do what you need to do to become as successful as you desire, because you are no longer crippled by things like lack of confidence, guilt overcharging people, and the need to maintain control by being perfect all the time.
You are able to just stand up and say, ‘Here I am. In all my imperfect glory. I can help you with your problem.’
When you get to that stage, where you no longer worry about what people think, or what they are saying about you, then your business will start to bloom.
I hope that my view of unconditional love has given you some food for thought.