I was watching a Tony Robbins video the other day when I had a total ‘Ahahaaa' moment.
He was coaching this woman who was struggling to grow her business and he asked her which part of her was running it?
He showed her all these different versions of her that existed in her mind and asked her the same question about her business. With each different personality that she adopted, she had a different answer to the question. She stood differently, she had different priorities, and yet, she was just one woman.
Now some of you might be mumbling the words, ‘Multiple personality disorder,' or even, ‘Schizophrenia,' but actually what is involved in this is something called Ego States. And while ego states when formed through reasons of trauma or introjection are not healthy, those formed through differentiation are.
If you identify with being a mentally healthy person, you probably also assume that you have a constant, balanced identity at all times.
And yet, this is not entirely true…
Without even knowing it, you will have some segmentation within your personality.
Who you are as a lover is different from who you are as a friend.
Who you are as a parent is different from who you are as a child.
And who you are as a business owner is different to who you are when you are doing charity work.
And while we naturally recognise this when we discuss who we are as that lover, that parent, that friend, for some reason when we become a business owner, we do not see the necessity for segmenting out an ego-state.
Which means we try to be the wrong things to the wrong people.
What normally happens is that we end up trying to be friends with everyone, because we want to be liked. And we identify being liked with being successful, when in fact, being liked is a very poor measure of success.
Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying we can't be friends with people, or we can't be liked…
What I am saying is that when we put on our business hat, the choices we make have to be about what is best for our clients, our customers and the business as a whole.
I remember my first business – a dental practice. I employed a friend to be my nurse because I was in overwhelm and trying to stay in my comfort zone.
Then, because of that culture I had set up, each time I added a staff member to my team, it became about them and the fuzzy, warm stuff, and not what was best for me, my clients, or my business.
I was unable to make hard decisions that would impact any of them because of the fallout that would cause, and I was unable to discipline them when they were taking advantage of how nice I was.
In the end, rather than having the strength to retake control of my business, I sold it and moved on.
I don't regret that decision, because it was a part of the story that led me to where I am now…
But, if I was to go back there again now, I know that I would have a totally different business on my hands. One that I would be in control of, and not one in which I was being taken advantage of.
Now, was this their fault, or mine???
Mine of course.
I chose the wrong ego-state to run my business from.
I chose friend, not leader.
And so it was as friend that I made all the decisions within the frameworks of that business. If I'd stepped into leader, I would have been able to make the hard choices to change the culture and regain control of my business.
SO remember this story as you move forwards in your business. It can be tempting to want to make everybody like us…
(NEWS FLASH – Not going to happen no matter how hard you try!!!)
But that's not why we go into business in the first place.
We go into business to help people, and to create a stream of income that will change our lives, and allow us to change many more people's lives as a result.
And while being successful and being liked are not mutually exclusive, being liked should not be the reason that drives our business decisions.
So next time you find yourself faced with a hard decision, it's time to dig deep, and to identify the warrior inside.
That is the person who should be running your business, not the lover or the friend.
Let your warrior come forth…
Give them a name…
And then consciously step into that ego state.
Then, and only then, will you be able to make the right choices that are going to allow your business to grow, then scale, and then explode.
In Your Corner,
It's Time To Roar