Today, I want to talk to you about how to stay laser-focused in your life.
So, I've been doing a six-week course with an amazing lady. Last night, we had a sharing circle and we were all sharing about our life, and there was this one lady that was caught up in white noise.
So, she's in a really bad situation in her life, she's in a family situation, and you could just see her mind was just like dah-dah-dah-dah-dah-dah, just going around and around. And she talked and talked about it. And then at the end of the sharing circle, someone asked her a question, and she went in again, and the whole night kind of got caught up in her just sort of chewing the fat going over and over and over the same stuff.
Basically, her mind at the moment is totally consumed with the white noise that is surrounding this terrible situation that she's in. And it's that white noise that's preventing her from being able to take the action that she needs.
So, what is this white noise I'm talking about?
If you want to create an amazing life, a life you love, a successful business, or whatever it is, you need to rise above the white noise.
So, the white noise is the stuff that we get caught up in.
Remember when we're in grade school or primary school…
How the conversations went…
“And then she said, and then he said, and then she said, and then he said“, and we get caught up in that whole deliciousness of the drama, right?
So, we act just kind of like that. It's fighting to be right. Fighting to be heard.
And the thing is that when you're right, someone else has to be wrong.
And then they're also fighting to be right.
They want to be right, they want you to be wrong, and you get caught up in this whole thing, going around in circles, and you can't move on from it.
So, the white noise can be the need to be right.
It can be getting caught up in the drama.
It can sometimes be guilt and shame as opposed to the desire to win.
It's all these underlying stuff that's preventing us from being able to process what is really going on.
It's like friction in the machine. It's preventing us from being able to move smoothly towards what it is that we want to create in life.
I remember Brooke Castillo, she's the founder of the Life Coach School. She's an amazing woman, I love her so much. Check out her podcast, The Life Coach School, if you haven't already heard of her.
She's got this thing called “The Model”. And The Model is what she created to explain how things/life work.
The Model goes like this:
There's a consequence. Something that happens that is totally out of your control.
And then there's what you think about that consequence.
There are the emotions that come from that thought.
Those emotions then create your action, your inaction, your reactions.
And from that you get a result.
Basically, all you need to do is change one piece of this puzzle if you want to get a different result.
I love The Model, because it really allowed me to start thinking differently.
But what I've learned now as a hypnotherapist and psychotherapist, and with the recoding, has caused me to make a slight change in The Model.
So, this is what I believe how things happen:
First you have the consequence.
Then you have A FILTER, which is your belief system – your beliefs about the world, your beliefs about yourself.
So, the consequence is viewed through the filter of these beliefs, and that can trigger an emotion even before we have a thought about that consequence.
The thought itself comes from our belief system, our history, and what we expect to happen because of that consequence. It is a learned behaviour. Sometimes, even, a learned helplessness being triggered.
From that triggered emotion comes these thoughts, this mind chatter that goes on.
And sometimes all of these is happening unconsciously, right?
I mean, there are consequences there, we know that consciously.
But then if the belief system is unconscious, if the emotion is unconscious, and then the thoughts are sometimes unconscious, as well.
So sometimes we've got this monkey brain, which is running around, chattering.
Sometimes it's an unconscious thought that we're not good enough. We're not worthy, we're not lovable.
“I'm an idiot.”
So, we see something, we view it through the filter of our belief system that evokes emotions that are already within us, that are already linking back to something that happened in the past that we haven't dealt with and we didn't even realize, created our belief system.
That triggers the first layer of emotion deep inside us. We're not even aware it's there most of the time. Then that is creating our thoughts. Thoughts are created through that filter, then those thoughts are then enhancing those emotions.
And when I work with clients, we work down through the emotions. And this doesn't always happen in one session, right?
Because this was like an onion that's built on layers. And this belief system that they created when they were young has been strengthened and strengthened and strengthened, because of the way they're viewing the consequence.
But when we do start to work down through the layers of the emotions, the bottom is very different to what's at the top.
And what's at the top is probably what's creating the monkey brain – the anxiety, the overwhelm, the stress, the guilt, the shame, all those things are up there.
And then we get down deeper, we get down to different emotions, we get down to maybe even deeper emotions like anger and hate.
And they're there already. They're not actually being created from this consequence that happened. They were created in our past and are now being triggered within us.
It's very rare that we're creating new beliefs. We might be shifting beliefs, but not creating new ones.
So, we have this model going on. We have this consequence, we have this filter with our belief system, which is then how we view the world, which is then triggering deep emotions that are already there within us and trapped within us. And then the actual consequence itself and how we're forming it is in creating thoughts. And those thoughts are creating more emotions.
So when you think about that, is it any surprise that we get caught up, going around and around, trying to prove that we're right?
We want to win, don’t we?
Our whole belief system is driving us, wanting us to win, but then also believing that we can't. And we can't let go of that.
We can't rise above it. We can't separate from it.
We get caught up in the cacophony of all this stuff that's going on.
And then we freeze. We're either taking actions that don't serve us, or we're reacting to things, or we're not taking action at all, and we're freezing, and we're not heading towards this goal that we want.
So, what do we do if we're caught up in this?
I'm going to tell you, it takes practice, but the more practice you get, then the better you get, the faster it gets.
When you can feel yourself going around and around your head about something (and sometimes it's just the most minor of things. It might be just something you're worried about. Or it might be something dramatically big in your life), you take time out to sit down and acknowledge what's going on in your head and realize it for the mind clutter that it is, for the white noise that it is, for the friction that's keeping you trapped.
Some people like to be caught in this. Some people like to record that drama, because that's where they get their importance from. That's how they feel important. Which is a secondary gain that’s keeping them trapped.
But if you are one of the people that want to get past it so you can go on and release the burden of these emotions and these thoughts, and so you can go on to create this life that you love, then this is a technique you can use.
I want you to clear your mind, remove the mind clutter. Maybe you need to do this one by one, maybe you need to sit and examine the thoughts that pop up and acknowledge that what's happening in your head is actually just your thoughts about a situation you’re reacting to.
They did something and you're reacting.
So, one by one, remove these things, pulling them out, trying to clear away the clutter of your mind, so you can find a place of peace within this.
Like the eye of the storm.
Then what you need to do is, during this process, visualize where you are now, where you are stuck, where you're trapped, and acknowledge that. And then I want you to visualize where do you want to be.
What do you want?
What's the ultimate goal of what you want in this situation?
It might be in life in general, or it might just be in this particular situation.
Then once you have that clear goal in your mind, of what you want, ask yourself this question:
What's the number one thing I need to do right now to start to head towards that goal?
What's the number one thing I need to be doing right now?
And then take that action.
You don't need the whole plan.
You don't need the whole pathway.
That's what's keeping you stuck and trapped right now.
Because you don't have it, you don't have it, you don't have it, therefore, you going around circles just about that.
All you need to know is the number one thing you need to do to get to the next step.
You take that, you get to that number one thing, then ask yourself the question again.
What's the number one thing I need to be doing right now to get to the next step?
So, I did this myself today. I have recently moved into a new apartment. And I've got three different things coming. I've got my fridge turning up, a whiteboard turning up, a bed turning up, and they're all arriving today.
And then last night, I got a message from my VA saying, “Hey, have we got a video to work with this week?”
And I hadn't done one because I've been so caught up with the move that hadn't done one. So, my first reaction was irritation. I've got all this stuff turning up and I'm too busy. There are also my book that came back from the editor that I haven't even touched yet, just sitting there staring at me.
And then I thought, “Okay, what am I trying to create here in my life?”
I'm trying to create a life where I'm helping as many people as possible create the life that they want, right?
A life that they want to live.
“Okay, so what's the number one action I should be doing right now?”
I should be filming a video.
That's the number one thing I should be doing right now.
So, I took my advice, and I'm shooting this video because of it.
Now, sometimes, you're stuck, unable to even do that. Because that filter of belief systems is not aligned with where you want to be.
The beliefs that you would have to have, to create what you want, is not aligned with the beliefs that you currently have now.
Can you see how that won't work?
So, if you're believing one thing about the world, about yourself, but to have the life that you want, you would have to be believing something else to have been able to take that action…
Then it's going to keep you stuck.
And it's going to be like an elastic barrier, it keeps on snapping back or you just can't go on and you feel like you're just going around and around in circles.
That's because your belief system is keeping you stuck.
Now if that's you, then I've got a couple of different options for you.
I'm just going to give you the one now, because I can talk to you about different options through that one, and that is to jump on my calendar and have a chat with me about how I can help you.
I created The Belief Builders because I want to help people create and build the beliefs in their life that are going to support them to create a life that they love.
That's what The Belief Builders is about. Creating a strong foundational belief system so that we can then move from there to create the life that we want.
So if you think that you need that help, jump on my calendar:
And then we can have a chat about whether or not you want to work with one-on-one coaching or whether or not you want to come into this group coaching that I'm about to start.
Jump on my calendar. Let's have a chat.
I look forward to seeing you very, very soon.