Today I want to talk to you about whether or not you're valuable enough.
And the reason I want to talk to you about this is because it's something that had come up for me quite a lot over the last few months.
And it's been coming up for my clients, which is often what happens, right? What we're working through is often what our clients bring to us as well. It's like we're mirroring and echoing off each other.
But for one particular client that I've been working with this, it's been a pattern that's been showing up in her life the whole way through she has been in these relationships. And it’s not relationships when you're in an intimate relationship, but just work relationships and things like that.
So she's been in relationships with people where she's been bending over backwards and going the extra mile and putting in 200%, and then basically being shat all over. And it's a pattern that she keeps repeating, she keeps going in over and over and over again.
And she's like, why does this keep happening to me?
We were able to work together to see that she wasn't being valued within those relationships. And then that's making her want to put in more and more effort.
But what we were able for her to discern, to finally realize that it wasn't so much that she didn't have that value.
She just wasn't being valued.
And that was a really big shift for her because up to that point. She had been judging her own value by how people were reacting to her.
So that's what I want to talk to you about.
The difference between having value and being valued, because the two often do not align.
There are certain times in certain circumstances and certain relationships where no matter what we do, we are not valued. We're just not valued.
And there's absolutely nothing we can do about it, right? That's that other person's choice, whether or not they value us.
What we can do about it and what we do have a 100% choice over is whether or not we stay where we are not valued, or whether or not we leave.
And that is entirely your choice.
So their choice, whether or not they value you, your choice, whether or not you stay if you're not valued.
But that's often what we do. We stay in these relationships where we're not valued, trying to strive desperately to prove that we're valuable.
As if we're only valuable if this person tells us that we are or validates that in some way, or shows us that they're thinking. And that is the only way that we can be valued is when it's given back to us.
You know, the first is out of our control, sort of being valued.
The second, having value is our birthright.
Because the truth is that all of us are valuable.
You know, we're all worthy, we're all lovable, and we're all valuable in our own different way. And whether or not that that is recognized by different people, is not within our control.
But it is within our control to realize the value within us.
And the weird thing is that the more desperate you become for validation of your value by another party, or by somebody else, the less you get it. It's almost like you devalue yourself when you become desperate for validation, and they basically start to take you for granted because you're always there. You're always doing this stuff. Even if you're making yourself indispensable, sometimes you're just not valued.
Having value is constant, it is there. Whether or not you're seen by other people, whether or not other people choose to see it or not, it is ours. It is our right.
Just as being happy is 100% our responsibility, so is having value. So seeing our value, recognizing our value, and living within our value, that's our responsibility. It's not somebody else's responsibility to give that to us, or to show it to us.
It's our responsibility to feel our own value.
And once you can do that, once you can feel your own value and recognize it, it sets you free. Because you're no longer leaving yourself in situations where you're unhappy. Because you're trying to be valued. You're able to take yourself away from the situation.
So you have that freedom of choice.
You can walk away from something because when you're desperately trying to be valued by somebody else, it's just not coming. It's almost like you're tying yourself to that person in some way. There's some sort of struggle going on, where you're like, “if only they would value me, then everything would be fine”.
That's not their job. It's your job to find your value.
It's your job to be happy, right? Just as their job is to be their own happiness. We're not responsible for other people's happiness. We're responsible for our own happiness.
We're also responsible for our own value, our own worth. The two are linked right?
And what you can do is spend time with that, spend time with yourself, actually breathing into that. So closing your eyes, almost like you're meditating. But moving down deep inside the center point of your being, to this area within you where there's space and this peace and this stillness and this silence, and that's where you'll find your value, where you’ll find your power. Your internal power.
And that's what I was able to do with this client. I was able to take her down after she was able to discern that, and we talked through it to the point where she had realized the flux and flow within these relationships.
There is a flux and flow in being valued.
Some days, you're valued more than others. And that's all depending on the mood of the other person, what's going on in their life, right?
And she was able to discern the flux and flow and she was able to start to forgive these people for not valuing her, just as she was able to forgive herself for not valuing herself. So once she could see it within herself, then she could give that forgiveness to these other people as well.
But she also had had the strength to take herself away from those relationships if she didn't want to be there anymore, when we did an exercise where I took her down into the center point of her being, and she was able to feel her power there and to allow that to grow her value, her worth, and to really feel into that.
And it's such a beautiful thing, when you can do that. When you can feel your own power.
People get power wrong, right? People think that power is like being out to control others, to rule the world. But that's not real power.
Real power is just being able to feel your own worth. To be true to yourself.
That's what real power is. And she was able to do that.
So you can do that if you're in a situation where you're finding that you're not being valued, and you can't seem to take yourself away from that for whatever reason it is.
Start to spend some time finding your own value.
And when you find that, that addiction will be broken, because where you've been lacking, you're no longer lacking anymore because you're able to give it to yourself.
Now, there's a flipside to all of this obviously, right?
You're running around wanting to be valued.
The question is, are we valuing others in our lives?
Are we taking the time to value the other people that are there in our lives?
You can also see that flux and flow where sometimes you are, some days you aren't. That's the same thing that's going on on the other side of the fence, right?
Depending on what mood you're in, or if the coffee was good that morning, or whether you slept in or got to bed late, you know that that often interferes with how we're coming across and valuing other people.
And really, part of our work, part of our value comes from being able to value others, being generous within that.
From being able to give a compliment or to smile, or to ask someone how they are, to deeply care about somebody to support them. That's all growing our own value inside us.
In being able to do this for other people as well, we can do it for ourselves.
Now once again, I'm not saying that we're responsible for their worth or for their happiness or for their value. But we can give that gift to them as well at the same time, because we're gifting it to ourselves as well. And when we have that power within us, that means that we can start to make other people's lives better as well. By expanding it beyond us and letting it touch them as well.
If we want to walk through life as a person of values, we have to learn to allow other people to have value, and to show them that value as well.
If we want other people to be generous to us, then we have to be generous in return or maybe start becoming generous first.
Part of our value comes from being able to give value to others.
So I hope that this has resonated with you.
My personal journey over the last few months has definitely come with being able to acknowledge that I was not valued in the way that I wanted to be. And to process the pain from that. Just to feel that pain and to realize that it didn't mean that I was not valuable and then to be able to choose to move away from that situation.
So that's something that I've been able to do over the last few months.
Working through this process and being able to feel my value within and my worth and my power so that I was strong enough to break the addiction of the need to be valued by somebody else.
All right, hope you guys have an amazing week.
If you do want to talk to me about anything, about your mindset, about your belief system, about just being able to create success in your life and abundance in your life, jump on my calendar,
donnajoyusher.com/success-session
This is how I help my clients, I'd love to help you too.
Have an amazing week and I will see you next time.
